$#!+ Doctors Say to Pregnant People


They called me geriatric.  Do I look like an old lady to you?

- Simone, 37


They said my cervix was incompetent.  

I told them they better find some better words for my precious uterus. 


They told me I had failure to progress.  I felt like a failure.  

To this day I wonder why my body failed me.

Some times our care providers say things.. 

That we don't much appreciate. These are quotes that care providers have ACTUALLY said to their patients.

From the OB who ambushed me: 

"We spoke about you and your 'birth plan' at our clinic meeting. We all heard about your ideas, so I scheduled an appointment with you myself..."

"I thought you should read a study to learn more about why our policy is continuous fetal heart rate monitoring (proceeds to hand me study that literally says unnecessary interventions like continuous fetal monitoring are more likely to cause C-sections)"

Hospital Birth:

"You MUST have a hep-lock. That is not something you can reject." Me: Why? Answer: "Because if you need emergency surgery, we will not have time to put it in." Husband: "Good thing people drive around with hep-locks in their hands so ER docs can get a chance if there's a car accident."

Hospital Birth:

"You're not ready to push. Your cervix is high and closed." Reality: The L&D nurse was feeling the BABY'S HEAD and thought it was my cervix.


"You cannot go past 41 weeks regardless of the fact that your prior birth happened at 41+6. If you do, you must sign a waiver that says you're going against medical advice.  You might wind up with a dead baby."  Note: my baby was born at 41 weeks 4 days and was just fine thank you very much. 


"We will not adjust your due date from your LMP even though you have a 32 day cycle.  We have 3 early ultrasounds, and each of your prior EDDs were adjusted that way.  " Me: "If we hadn't adjusted my son's EDD, it would have looked like he was nearly 43 weeks when he was born and you would have unnecessarily told me to induce." Kaiser: "It's our policy. We won't adjust."


"You can birth at the birth center if your baby is born between 8am and 6pm."


"I see you say you're having a home birth. Have you even been getting medical care??"


"The OB says she will not perform the breech version because of the risk to you and the baby."
Me: "It is MY body and MY baby. It is MY decision whether the risk outweighs the reward."
Kaiser: "The doctor has decided that a C-section is less risky than a breech version."
(Another doctor later confirmed: there was no risk because the placental lake was a made-up "concern" for which there was no evidence in any literature.)