pregnant woman holding shoes

What Makes Me Feel Safe? 

What would constitute safety for me, or for us, as a couple? Here’s a place to start.

What makes me feel safe?  When the word “safety” comes up within the context of relationships, our minds may immediately fall to the importance of physical safety.

Emotional safety, however, is equally as crucial. After all, we must first feel emotionally safe to experience safety in our relationships. The same is true of our relationships with our care providers.

Can we find care providers we feel emotionally safe with?

How would we know if we feel emotionally safe with them (especially if we can’t meet them ahead of our birthing)?

What would constitute safety for me, or for us, as a couple? 

Asking yourself these questions, think or write down your own answers, to really ask yourself about what would make your birth feel safe for you and for your partner.

What really matters to me? To us?

What do we value? Here’s a short list of values:  

Spiritual insight

Will I have MY core values honored and will I be able to live them out in my birth?

(write down your thoughts..) 

What do I value most in relationship?

Empathy: Do the people supporting me value and understand what I’m going through and support me in going through it my way?

Communication: Do the people supporting me communicate and listen to my needs and desires?

Commitment: are the people supporting me committed to me and willing to stand by me? Can I trust them to be there for me, even when things are difficult?

Love: Brene Brown defines love as trust, affection, kindness, and respect. Will the people with me in birth love me?

Will I be heard? Can I say, “I have confidence that my concerns will be heard?”

Will I be encouraged to believe in myself?

How can I open up as my birth will require?

What kind of environment would I need in order to open up enough to let my baby come out of my body in a way that felt right to me?

What is it that I’m looking for from my partner?

Do I want them to be confident in me and in our birthing? Do I need their faith and sureness supporting me?

Will my birth providers encourage and support my partner as we would wish? What is my partner really looking for in their experience of becoming a father or mother?

What would make my partner feel stronger, more confident, more bonded to me and to our baby?

Do our care providers offer what would make us feel safe?

What really matters to me?